Tourist Ibiza: Guiris

Did you know that the Spanish refer to foreign visitors to their country as Guiris? And did you know that all Guiris are stereotypically equal, bringing their strange extraterrestrial ways and habits to God's own Country.

In the main, Guiris come from Britain, Germany, France and Holland and none of them can speak a word of Spanish (or Christian as it is known here), preferring instead, to shout in their own guttural tongue.

So, what do we (for I am one) Northern Europeans do that so sets us apart from our southern cousins? The legend goes that when in Spain we all:

Buy a typical Spanish product – a giant Mexican sombrero – from the souvenir shop.

Carry thousands of Euro's worth of high technology (unknown in Spain) around our necks - cameras, ipods, mobiles, palmtops – and then put it all down on a cafe table in full view of some 8 year old gypsy street thief for it to be nicked.

Drink beer or sangria

Accompany a fine Paella (typically Spanish) with a Coca Cola (known strangely as Coke)

Wear socks with our sandals, a pair of brown shorts, a bum bag and a brown shirt open to the waist.

Turn bright pink, known as the prawn effect, after 5 minutes in the sun.
Take photographs of the most absurd subjects – eg.a lamp post in the middle of the road.

Believe that every Spaniard is a bull fighter who lives on wine and paella, dances Sevillanas and sings Flamenco all day.
Go only to discotheques where not a soul speaks Spanish.

Pretty damning isn't it?

The funny thing is that Spanish men really do believe that Guiri girls think that they are all descended from a long line of Latin Lovers.

Can you think of any more things we always do?